I just wanna go back home

I just wanna go back home But I have memory of non Save that one no fun I had a mom and no dad Maybe that one but he made me cry Now I have none she's gone Now I'm just one I scream out loud, but it's nothing but sound Everything I'd say to him to this empty stadium Oh love is curse Oh why do I care it hurts I try to be right I try to be right I take your screams How I shed those tears I try to be right I remember hiding that night Oh god I was scared Years later you denied you was there Oh ma you didn't care I wished youd die and said a swear The very next day you were gone It took me years to feel I cared I didn't know I loved you And I didn't know you loved me It's been years now, I don't know where to go I've tried so hard, and I've gone so far To find I was wrong To find I was right To find I needed you Oh mother, I wish I could come back home. I know there's fire in me It's time I set myself free Ooooo Iiiiiiiiiii I feel it now I feel it proud I knowww Till I'm ooooooldv

Creepin cat

Creepin cat tip toein on the stacks in the all black Tip tip tip the dominos to the ground floor, pick up the flow only God and angels know I don't feel nothing I know I shouldn't lie But it makes me feel something I like to say I wanna die But it doesn't mean nothin It makes me feel something This shit is whack mental attacks thoughts that are breaking my back

feelin shit

O What’s up mother fucker I ain’t feelin shit And I know I’m really killin it Think I’ll sit and take a sip Ain’t out fuckin Dicks split so I’ll take a lil rip What’s up mother fucka I ain’t feeling it Why don’t you put it on the zip? I love you later, this songs such a hater The cards are on the table Guess I’ll see you later, nope What’s up mother fucker I ain’t feelin shit Take a rest, I ain’t feelin it What’s up mother fucker I ain’t feeling shit Givita rest, take a hit What’s up mother fucker I ain’t feeling shit One one one Minute to give me a rest Bitch I need my beauty rest Why why why you come here again Fucker you ain’t my friend I’m I’m ima Tell you one more time Damn whole city know dis a crime Dumb mother fucka wasting my time Bitch don’t play his own rhythm

girl again

Why would I want a girl again when everyone ends with let’s just be friends That’s an unmistakable lie, how you wanna run and hide and still eat your slice of the pie None of these ladies wanna take responsibility for they sisters and the way they treating these misters. Men have been fucked up for a long long time, raping, beating, always getting away with the crime. Women used to stand for something, behind every man is what his mama taught him. Used to raise gentlemen, not learn how to bitch, cheat and steal. Tell me this shit ain’t real, I wanna hear how it makes you feel When I point out the youth are whipped out You had a chance but took a pill and joined the dance Million mothers abandon the post, life without a host Lie to me be about what you value most, well all clap and give you a toast cause you can’t see through my sarcasm and see this is a roast.

I don’t feel

I don’t feel a fucking thing and it’s everything I ever wanted Payed my debts in full don’t ever ask to get fronted Sunset comes and I get stunted All my confidants crumbling question why What I’m injecting be numbing me What I ain’t facing be shaming me Minute masters coming to pass their judgement and I ain’t haven’t it Opinions arnt built to last and neither are you 50 more years and you’ll be a ghost See right through you and the venom you spew I ain’t done bitch this chapter hasn’t come to a finish, niggas coming up to me and I feel them cause they ain’t been shit. And that’s some real shit. Men who don’t know who they are, cast away who they are because the times are hard

Dipping wax dream cloud

Dipping wax dream cloud Flame blow to grow gold Licking rainbows forget hoes Thoughts through the windows The wind blows his body takes a bad pose Is he dead who knows Take the joke like knees and toes Pick a flick and lick the rollo Watch how fast the green go, shows I’m a gringo Watch green stack fast when I ain’t around That’s my safe and sound My don’t fuck around Everyone’s crashing and it’s loud I ain’t gonna fall that ain’t aloud I ain’t got no momma I’ll make myself proud What the fuck you talking now I don’t stick around for the cows Bitches who can’t think in the now Wish I could show you how But I just don’t know how Do I got a problem know Yes I got a problem I don’t see any bitches knobbin My Dick’s hard and throbbing So sad Yes I’m bitching in a song cause I’m horny Hope it makes you mad This sad shit going straight to the air waves Make all the waves craze There’s no maze, don’t try and figure it out

Heaven

Bury me, tell me her name and resrsnge till the image no longer looks fsmikisr. Kill the thing that was left behind. Bury him.

Find your way bsck tk me so the new image can smile, dig up his own grave and remember something before throwing it away again.

When the dead stand he smiles, in memory. Sweet memory of his little piece of hesveb. Someone comes over to kill all.

The sweet masacar between he and heaven, or forever in hell. The world gives no answers, yet the weak heart also falls silent.

Silence becomes all, its a meaning. A sadness understanding that all is coming to a end. Beyond the end no one can say, beyond this end will one day find happiness.

Though possibly not in this life, not in this.

Bitch.

Mhmm, yes.
Im a little bit bitter but not because of all the glitter rain but that searing pain I was left with. But now I can take a wif and smell that bullshit, always feelin like I had to push it. Convince tou to stay for another minute, you were finished, I wasnt, bitch Im not done talking, Ill have the last word. You wasted my time so Im a waste you with this rythm.

Bitch come a little closer, you so fire like my hands in a toaster.
Maybe with a drink or two we can come back through
With just a minute ill show you im feelin it
Baby im worth it. I know that im worth it

But hold up, what do you mean you dont care
Ill run these fingers through that hair
A kiss on the lips, succle on them nips
Sun comes up we do it all again, we were never just friends
I cant do that
I dont know how to be this
I dont want none of this
Just you
No matter how miscued
Maybe it dont feel right to you
But that aint no excuse
Ill keep going harder
Till my hearts all sawed up
Cut into pieces and spread to thin
How was I ever suppose to win

Im ok without you
I want to be alone

No, fuck you.
All the times you said you love me
You need me
Haha what about all the bullshit you feed me
Like how you sat up and cried about what if I died

Guess what bitch, I did
You killed me
Why dont you come and feel me
Are you adraid? Cant walk these stones you laid?
You cut me and slammed the door, why the fuck you think I called you a whore.
Couple weeks later you got a boyfriend
What happened to I dont want no boyfriend
Bitch your a slut.
Couple weeks away from this big dick
Your fuckin thirsty but you think your slick
I hope this new dude knows your nothing but a game, a toy, and I hope he plays you the same.

Rotten

The faith and culture creates a bubble of closed off reality where god exists and rules over their lives and dictates violent and disgracful actions against their fellow woman and fellow man of different faith. But something else must be said before I continue is that the Islamic and Muslim cultures are not the only ones I feel this way about. Call me a bigot, call me ignorant, racist or rude. I think of all Yahway worshipers the same way. I think the same way of all and any peoples of any culture or faith that would harm brothers and sisters in the human family because of laws set by a book or being that has no creditability. The only creditable laws of life are the laws in action in the unthinking world. Law is a creation of man, books are a creation of man, as so is god. The god named in such books and the god who is said to set such laws. It is all noninnocent falicy or innocent misinterpritation. Either way the pain endured by those who lives are emotionally, spiritually and physically in shakles because of gods law is actually a person set in shakles by his or her fellow man and this digusts me that it is all done in the name of god or faith. I find this reason enough to completely overlook any good faith has given, wether it be the reason for rehibilitation, reconciliation or stand in place as father to parent and punish the rambuncious children that is man. These are not reason enough, a cure is not a cure when the side effects are disasterous compared to the sickness.

I plea that these faiths can be seperated into parts and people can be educated about the origins so they may realize what the follow is not old, is not true, and is not law. The gods, books and laws they follow are not enternal and the dirt and rocks they stand upon and the dust of stars the body is made of is much older than the laws they constrict lifes growth with.

This is utterly sickening to me. Life is life, it has absolutley nothing to do with a divine being or governing force. The idea of court and law again was a invention of man to try and install fairness in trial. Which in itself has been a failure many times. I will admit this is a cure to a sickness where the side effects can sometimes be overlooked. But know these side effects are ignored at great expense, and sometimes at the expense of human life. Sentance of death without crime.

This is another reason the ideals should be learned from and left behind. How many times, if there were a paradiso and inferno, man who have not harmed another man or woman. Who had never spoken ill of his fellows and treated his family, live stock, home and community with love and generosity but sleeps with a woman for with whome he is not married should find his place in the enternal inferno. Fortunatly inferno is not the place this man will find himself after his time in the living body. I find great happiness in showing the christian that the men and women they damn will slip right through the prison bars they wish them to rot in. 

Marriage is again, a creation and law of man. Created for the purpose of greed and mans knewly realised thought construct of possession. Possession is an interesting wuality for our minds to develop in such a fluid and ever changing existance. But we as people exist in a world that is mostly solid while also mostly fluid. We rest in the balance of the two, but since we are land creatures we learn and build or minds based on the way the land works. Those are the true laws of the now. The laws of the land, or as you will physics. The laws of water and sea are also physics but a rational mind can put together how one cannot form the idea of possession living as a fish in the sea. You have no arms so therefor you cannot grab onto things, everying you can possess is only temporaty because its was food, you ate it and you will soon pass it. Things you remembet being once place often move seemingly all by themselves or taken away by the current. Thats the whole point. In water the current is fluid and everything changes, on lang things are equally fluid but much slower. Just slow enough for our minds to have the time to process and lesrn from it. The way we remember where home is based on landmarks and so on.

Life in itself is a perfect balance of land and waters laws. Life is fluid, it flows in and it flows out. It is always present but not in the same place, time or thing that it was before. To place enternal claim, through life and death on a fluid entitiy is very silly. Like trying to mark off a part of the sea all to yourself. Its silly.

Titan Realized

And the day comds that the titan himself is realized as the fist of god that once crushed him. He finds himself the fearful snake, from the eyes of what onxr was prwy. Fear is now lost but without neaning he funds himself with a predator so he turns his anguish against his used to be kin, and all its kind. Out if hatred or a internal rightousness to liberate all from their crule bonds as he has seen is unknown.

In Line

Whats happens to men when he has walked outside the path that grants him a sip from the eternal flowing water of life or path of god. Immediatly his life is deflated as if the air was sucked from his lungs and the blood drained from his muscles and organs. His heart sunken rather than lifted, his eye cast down and his drive lame. I would have you believe that there is a loose path, much like a footpath walked daily by people. Before it was non-existent, the whole thing was the same. A flat grassy plane that has become something else because what it has given way to something else. A strong flow of energy, of life has broke way through this willing and accepting plane of grass. Because as the before mentioned eternal water of life flows against the soul the same way water moves against the land to make a river or grand canyon. So the man must shape himself to allow the water to carve him. But in our case the forces which move onto us are not seen but felt.

We, along with all other things all the way down to the molecules and lesser bits are always trying to shape into something else. Read a book, your mind shapes to the content of the book so you understand it. You work at a job your body shapes to suit your work. When your mind and heart changes so does the body, all things in life trickle down from the nexus of where we experiance life because this apature is the space where we trying and shape ourselves which is also where consciousness lies. The king makes his discreet or public choices, his motives questionable but the true indicator is the people and the land. As your body is like a complex city with many organisms and moving parts that have we have seen can be removed and the organism will survive so we have a difficult time looking at the body anatomically and selecting one thing or another as the organ of the soul. This is somewhat redundant if you realize the body is a trickle down of the before mentioned nexus.

Being young was different

A message to women about "The First Move".

As a male, I'm making the statement that 'No' we should not have to make the first move, because I will not.

I have always made the first move.
I was the first to tell you how beautiful you are.
I was the first to ask for your number
I was first to ask you out
I was first to lean in for the kiss
I was the first to reach for your hand
I was the first to say I love you
I was the first to tell you how much I cared about you.

Even though, I made sure to be the first, just so you know it meant something to me to not leave you waiting and wondering how I felt. I wanted you to know so you wouldn't have to wonder, so you could feel safe and secure.

Despite this I encounter silence. You do not see the amount of importance I see in assuring you never have to wonder if I still love you, so why must I wait and wonder how you feel and how you care. Why wont you say the things I cant wait to tell you.

Everytime I made the first move, I was the first to get hurt.
I was the first to not hear you say you wanted to see me again.
I was the first waiting for your hand to reach for mine.
I was the first waiting for you to say you loved me, without me saying it first.
I was the first to wonder why you wouldn't smile when I said your name.

Any men who have seen or been through what I have understand, we don't want to make the first move, we are tried of being the first to get hurt, the first to be kept in the dark, the first to be lied to, the first to be dissapointed, the first to be chested on and the first to know when you are leaving.

Munitions

When everything in life turns to ammunition for a war that cant be won.
We push and pull..
The drama and its reasons
How it never changes with the seasons
Utah
Georgia
More bullets flying at ya
Who I am
Who you are
What I have done
What you might do
Im supposed to come her to make sense of things but its become a game. How can I even explain. When the words become lyrics and the meaning is lost. Have I tainted it all with my needs and my lust. This isn't real but it's not fake. Deep inside I find a hunger for you, but in my heart I find a road away to be taken. My soul tells me to find a higher world. I don't know if you can come with me. I don't know if I can leave my body behind with you. You deserve so much more than you have, you should have the life you want. You should have me. But I cant give you me.

I had an dream.
You went away to spend time with your uncle. You were finally away from the home I was never allowed to visit you in. The top floor of what seemed like an abandoned hotel. You both shared a bed, because you never felt safe alone and he was a caring man. I still sneak in as I don't know who to trust. What a dark but lavish room. We were both so young in this scene, maybe just seventeen. I lurked and tried to get close to you without being seen. Around the corners of the bed, on the floor I crawled. Till you made way to the bathroom. I quickly slip in behind you. You seem me, you don't make a sound. You don't say a thing. My heart races, but you don't seem to even see me. I try to kiss you, but quickly I seen that was my imagination at work. You walk back into the room and slip into bed. He's been rustled. He finally sees me after I have nowhere to hide. I am calmly discovered and asks who I am but quickly connects the dots and figures out I am the lover boy. Dangerous or not I am here. He accuses and questions me if I am the reason you are sick. A funny question, I explain I havent been sick in months, I havent seen anyone sick in months. I am still not sure why it mattered but I explained the golden honey I was eating was the reason for it. Your uncle raised my reason stating he took care of mountain bees. His bold statement made me fall silent.

A short part of the dream escapes me now but soon we are at the home of your father. Truly it is my fathers home but with different walls and different faces. I'm not sure the meaning. In the back yard, my first vision of the place there are many animals. Pigs, chickens, cows, and everything to be found on a farm packed into a small plot of land. Beside the house was a small tower, maybe a study. Ivy had grown up most the walls, the bricks were turned brown and green. The windows foggy. I see a man with short blond hair pull up infront of the house, your father. Your uncle goes and talks to the man. Your uncle seems to distract him. I quickly run inside as the two talk about a tea your uncle mad as your father was away. This interests your father greatly. I believe your father insisted your uncle try the teas left behind for him.

Inside I'm taking by the large by compact home. Before me a staircase that makes a turn for the left and disappears around the corner to the second floor. To the right  a kitchen. Between the staircase and the hallway entrance to the kitchen was a hall that stretched the depth of the house then turned left to wrap back around to the front doors hall. I walk down the left turning hall to a from filled with dark green garnet and glass display casses laid into the wooden walls. Within the displays were hundreds of carvings made from stone, jade, crystal, wood, and were of tribal likeness. Simple rounded human beings, sometimes in ritual clothing, sometimes elongated bodies twisted into dancing positions. Things I had seen before from around the world. Some crystal and jade skulls, some carved with what appeared to be space vehicles or cars. Around a corner inside the room were old toys from the 1950's with their tin boxes and super man art. Your uncle had been cleaning some of these carvings as the dust was missing on quiet a few of them.

A dream

A astronaut researcher in space returns to his ship with knowledge of some fantastic light he had seen. Immediately he is obsessed and starts working, he creates this complex but indistinguishable fluid software to hardware interface based on self replicating, self organizing nano technology with an interface that takes on the role of various characters that learn to user and slowly copy him until the user becomes the character and the interface sync with its user becomes complete. Right before my eyes I watched this man form from nothing boxes that you could see looked like atoms stacked in perfect square bits until it formed the rough shape of a rover. He than said now make this twice as thick, thick as steel. The boxes all filled in to no longer look like frame work but become a fully functioning land rover. From thin air. He showed me inside his lab where he created pictures, moving pictures of faves used in the software explaining to me how the boxes of atoms or whatever they were had a nature to stack then fill in and create an interesting array of different joints which I seem for myself. All these 45 and 90 degree tiny lines. He explained to me that there needed to not be a difference and the transition should be fluid between the user and what he called the god tool, or the god software. I cannot remember what he called it but the use of the word god in its name struck me.

On earth, someone felt the need to show me some video of a great looking animal, what looked like a gorilla the length of a polar bear with dark fur laying against the rocks and snow under a cliff. They called the animal the new bhuddisatva. In this video clip the animal placed it paws together laying on its side and extended its head backwards with his upper body into the snow, knocking down a bank of it. I seen no point in this video but I kept watching. On repeat until I notice something and the video zoomed in time after time. Behind the head of the animal was a carved relic of some deep amber golden red creature looking like an aztec or african rendition of the imagination or a god based from animal. The face of a crocodile without its long snout, squatted down with its monkey or human like knees, too short too reach its chest but bend as if they held to its chest but contained below the belly. Its smile and teeth were that classical relic type almost like a large toothy expressionless grin. A ribbed spine protrude from its back. I knew this object immediately and thinking of its form made all the hairs of my arm raise and I felt and knew its power yet my memory fails to draw its connect to the real non dreaming world. Also its connection to the power that the astronaut from my dream held. This object was related to an even earlier memory, I still can't recall. I swear I have seen it before. I could almost taste and touch it from memory, even just from watching it in video. The closest rendition to the object I remember in real life was from a movie called the relic where a cursed object in a museum summoned demonic monsters that devoured the museum staff and visitors till outside military interviened. The intent of my dreams object was of knowledge and power, a blessing rather than a curse.

Moments later I find myself as part of an expedition to find where the relic has gone. The video was very old and was meant to show the object had fallen from the sky and landed behind that animal. The object had been loosely tracked till we found its new home half way across the globe being guarded by a immense crocodile. A somewhat tropical jungle like southern America we found a race of tiny men maybe just 1-3 feet tall, very dark skinned with skinny bodies and wide heads but indisputably human. A little man in his robes or rags based on their color guided us through jungle and hills till we reached a footpath that lead in the side of a great hill surrounded by great hills hidden away in the jungle. We found the object, with this crocodile wrapped around it. I was afraid on the animal but there was a certain personality to it I noticed right away. Like the animal was docile. We set up cameras and recorded the animal. "I protect human" is the best I can remember of the words spoken from this animal wrapped around the object. And yes, the animal did speak, rough, mumbled words. I knew, i knew certainly. The time this animal spent with the object granted it the power to speak as it did.

I smoke myself

I smoke the useless till I find I'm use useless
I tell myself I'm done but I've only begun
The beat goes flat but I know where it's at
It's time to shine
The devil knows when I'm awake, my size 13 busts through the floor. I'm talking nuts, I don't compensate. Lemme tell you all something you dont know nothing about what it takes to shine, how to make it mine. My catalyst, mad it is, rage is bliss. But dont take it the wrong way I go about things the wrong way. It's all disarray, all the things you have to say. Why can't I make you go away? 

Expose

Ive come back this time to break apart the mysterious, untangle the secrets and lift the veil of life. Expose its interworkings and undermine its significance. I experianced something in life so far, that there are troubles and while we get sucked into fighting and fixing these troubles most of them are the fire we cannot extinguish as its been burning since before we were born. It is the way of this plane, its the order of chaos. Im here to feel this, to see it and to know it. Because as one learns of these things the only reaction once understood is distance and seperation from care and meaning of that chaos order. We cannot fix it, we are just here for a time and then we pass on. I believe most come back again and again untill they have seen and experianced so many angles of the choas that it can finally be concluded in the souls background wisedom collected over a time much longer than a single life time. So the soul finally sees the order of choas and becomes disintersted with this plane and can finally move onto another plane. Things can be hard to let go of when you think there is still someone more left for you. When you know there is nothing left worth your while you walk away from things easily. I cant say for sure this is my last time. I feel like I have done little. But where my mind is in this process, Im close to the end. Im alright with it.

Sad song

The saddest song is sung all alone
When you sit at home on your phone
Writing the saddest song
Singing that sad sad song

I know its all wrong
And i know your all alone

Lies to myself

Where were are again
I'm asking for a friend
Who am I again?
I'm for real no pretend
Who am I again?
I run my mouth and hit send,
Next minute sware Im a friend.
Who am I again, Who am I again?

I sware theres no room for lies
I'm comprised
Of enough love for a thousand years
In you arms I feel alive
Don't let me fall
I'm falling hard so take the chance
I'll never tell you lies again

Who am I when I can hardly feel it?
What lies and I telling when I hardly believe it?

Memory

An irritated writer I am today.

Off in my mind I find so much angst about people. My memory has always been a key feature of my personality. It has kept me from being complacent because I remember facts and I compare them. But I've found a point in my life where I'm loosing my memory because I'm becoming downed by life. I'm no longer becoming aroused and excited over false statements and proclaiming truth. I know the truth but I am deadly silent about it. And I am not the only one, the polls have been done and I have seen the vast majority of people think like I do. They hold the same rights and wrongs. Yet so many things happen against what we think SHOULD be and so many are silent. I know there are some who speak, and fewer who are heard. And fewer yet who reach my ears and eyes. I am screaming inside over these things, I get so mad I want to burst. Now lead my focus, lead my hands, lead my feet so I can channel this force to do good and make marks in the world.

mastermind

Raaaahhh
It's the mastermind
Coming at you with an angry brand of ryhm
Because I ain't got no time to explain to you
You thoughts ain't worth a dime to me

Enough about that DNA

Enough about that DNA it's a reflection of what you say
Yaya
I smoke on the ganj but I'm broke
Buddy wanna bump I ain't bout coke
Just toke no joke

Waves of guilt are crashing upon me

Waves of guilt are crashing upon me
So many unanswered questions I have
Is this ship worth saving
Or is this the last response I have
Hold a gun up against my head
Don't really know why till you attacked my color

Pigmy of a rotting soul
Once infected
Replace all that I know

Grimes

Steady and easy I'll make this step sleezy
wana talk about walkin on the dime
nigga get off your trip Im on my grind
Back on the flat back with this hap tap
smoke rymin dope lyin
he's on the chain on that dope slime boppin
million men there aint no stoppin its potent its brutal
drag a man back from his funeral we aint done with you
chainsssaws and number 9's these are the signs these are my grimes
dont you fuck with master time
don't you fuck with wha's mine
Take now step of my mind
No nigga is worth the time
Years till I had seen this
my review is pearless so these fuckers conceal this

dope we know the best of that, bouncin in da cadillac
know we get down know we get down know we get down
broke ass full of glass


rotting is still growing these fester fills these mens hearts and its showing.
Please god I'm knowing but what about the hoes I'm towing
Fell that shut down and slap trap
get caught up in that bitches slip slap paddy whack don't go on the attack
when she tells you you've got clap oh my god how about that
why don't you tell me when you hear facts
i aint trying on it no more I'll be running all you seein is fame heighs and glamor
follow me on my tours talkin bout what you gon record
on my track, thats my stack, on this cat run the mat
then you gonna suck this fat, thats my sack I know you down with that
Runnin, Runnin, Runnin, gonna get that rum in
Taking this shit like a pirate people wanna call me iirrate.
Insane maybe that's true but without no me there be no you.

Whickity

In his head he's the prodigy that to never be
His style is sick bitch, don't fuck with me
Everybodies going soin their thing
He sits alone wishing he could sing
A ring and a ryhm to waste the time
I scream at the walls it'll all be mine
Theyre aint enough time to show you can be mine
But thats every girl, every twirl
He knows its the last chance, still he cant dance.
How long you ganna hate boy?
How many dates with fate you need boy?
Before it comes to you in the night, in the middle of that fight. You dont know what you are but it's the star in you, it comes from within.
Watch the canvas paint itself, write about the colors and the waves, how youll never be saved. The artists is dumb, he cant see, what he was always was is done.
Right behind the wall, the prodigy that could never be screams at the wall but never hears the call.

Bitch my wrath you won’t atone

Bitch my wrath you won’t atone Congrats like Malone My reasons are my own I feel power when alone Rolex on my arm Got an invest in a farm Homies thinking I’m imbesling I’m tell em it’s all straight blessing But they’re ain’t no dressing It’s all by design The way you walk when you shine When I was born I said the whole world will be mine. Just a matter of time, stacking my dimes Till I find you on the right side of my game Hold up the flames Scorch the earth with the letters of your name Join the legion so I know that you are the same Lyrical tongues ain’t tame