Far Above

And what have I become
Another one in line with nothing to say and nothing to feel.
Asking a million questions, I'm running in circles.
This person that I am, the one who I'm not.
I thought I knew but that was before I lost track.
Somewhere in the years the I was all wrapped up I lost myself.
One thousand feet off the ground feeling like the sun is pushing me to the ground.
I want to fly but what carries me drives me into the ground.
This passion is confused, lead into darkness with the lantern carried by a quiet and absent heart.
Dragging heavy feet behind me I make my choices.
Do what's right or what let's me sleep at night and not always the same.
Sometimes I cry and I always tell the ones who I think care so they know I know how to feel still.
With this life you think I would be long gone, dead inside or given up.

I latch on, running, screaming.
Away from myself, away from the noise.
Never can I come back down, where I wish I was.
I'm not strong enough to stand on my own two feet so I fly.
What do I do, what do I do.
The silence, the time.
Sounds like an answer but ends up being a sentence.
I write it out because I want you to see it.
I want to know I'm real so tell me you see me because I forget I'm here.
Just like I was taught.
Hide that heart, silence that voice.
Those words don't want to be heard.
Do not disturb.

I've been afraid for too long to shake the supports of the world.
I didn't know if I could handle when it fell.
Pointing to you, thinking you would never be ready.
Inside I know I'm not ready to see this fall because it wouldn't be into my hands.
In my hands, filled with pain and anguish.
Not the love I wished would fall there.

But how far do you want me to come?
How many doors I'm not ready to open must I face?
How much do I have to swallow?
How much do I have to accept?
I can't be another one when you are the one.
You can't be the one when I have to wonder.
I can't question myself everyday...
Feeling guilty for feeling.
Knowing how I want to grow, knowing who I want to be.
Open to everything and everyone.
When I find myself there I want to be surrounded with love and safety.
But does it ever end up that way?
Pushing, expecting.
This is my heart, this is my all.
The root of my whole, where all I am begins from what I feel.
This is not.
Not the space, not the time.
Not like this, not with so much pain.
So much suppressed, so many lies.
Sometimes not lies but words unsaid, things not known.
A soul with mine fluid and together, clear, connected.
The light inside shines and shows all corners of each others deep corners and shadows.
Being fully exposed before gods eyes, the eyes that peer into me and all my shadows.
Seeking.
Liberation.
When all my secrets are told maybe I can let go of the past and live with you right now, in every second.
You my love, you myself.
When I traveled I looked at the time, a time for a wish and this was mine.
In this life or another... together, found.