Sun Between Us

Youve thrown away so much
But not enough
Not enough for me
Were you wrong about me
What you thought you could tell me
What you thought I could handle
Was it really that wrong
I dont know what its like to be you
I dont know if I would be different if I was you
Maybe I would say the same things
Maybe I would do the same things
So how can I judge you
But youve come this far
Youve done all these things
Youve thrown away so much
And it was to be with me?
Are you inlove or are you reckless
Is this destiny or is this an escape
Is this the happiness you are looking for
Or is this a patch on your scars
They may seem the same
But are you running to me?
Or just running away
Is it because of me or would someone else been good too
Long as they loved you
Would you run to anyone who loved you?
Or do you run here because you love me too
Maybe the way you love me is different than what Ive known
I dont fully grasp it
I cant deny it
I cant look at you and say you dont
I cant doubt you like that
But because you love me, doesnt mean you dont hurt me
Ive hurt you too
Is this toxic love of a beautiful struggle.
This doesnt seem like a romantic story anymore
This seems like a tragedy between two people
Broken by the past and scared of the future
People who dont make good choices
They are honest, they follow their hearts
But those hearts have been broken
They dont know what they are doing
I dont know what I want
But what Im doing now isnt right
I wonder how often you think the same thing
I know you have, but that thought was long ago
When did we fall inlove
When, through my walks in the woods with my phone in had
Talking to an old friend
About the heart, always about the heart
We seen eachothers
What light did we see that we would cast away
What light convinced us that our love would overcome all our wrongs
Is the passion still there
Does a fire still burn
Does that light still shine
I dont know
But I cant let go and I cant forget
I cant ignore, im a part of this, im what pulled you
And you are what pulled me
Magnets.. more like planets, with a sun between us.
How close can we come
Or would we be burned alive.
Always feeling the pull
But it is not clean
My stomach still turns, I fear the embrace
Held at a distance rather than held in open arms
But is this just me, my conditioning
My joy being your trauma
Mistakes in communication
I want you here
Not your body, not your mind
Just your heart and your voice
Leave the world behind you
Let me see you like I seen you before
Let me see the that light
My emerald jade talisman.
Symbol of trust and bond, warm, welcoming, understanding, hearing, seeing.
Ive felt moments where we crossed lines between you and I
Where I cant tell if my thoughts are my own
Us as one, so hard to avoid when your so much the same.

Far Above

And what have I become
Another one in line with nothing to say and nothing to feel.
Asking a million questions, I'm running in circles.
This person that I am, the one who I'm not.
I thought I knew but that was before I lost track.
Somewhere in the years the I was all wrapped up I lost myself.
One thousand feet off the ground feeling like the sun is pushing me to the ground.
I want to fly but what carries me drives me into the ground.
This passion is confused, lead into darkness with the lantern carried by a quiet and absent heart.
Dragging heavy feet behind me I make my choices.
Do what's right or what let's me sleep at night and not always the same.
Sometimes I cry and I always tell the ones who I think care so they know I know how to feel still.
With this life you think I would be long gone, dead inside or given up.

I latch on, running, screaming.
Away from myself, away from the noise.
Never can I come back down, where I wish I was.
I'm not strong enough to stand on my own two feet so I fly.
What do I do, what do I do.
The silence, the time.
Sounds like an answer but ends up being a sentence.
I write it out because I want you to see it.
I want to know I'm real so tell me you see me because I forget I'm here.
Just like I was taught.
Hide that heart, silence that voice.
Those words don't want to be heard.
Do not disturb.

I've been afraid for too long to shake the supports of the world.
I didn't know if I could handle when it fell.
Pointing to you, thinking you would never be ready.
Inside I know I'm not ready to see this fall because it wouldn't be into my hands.
In my hands, filled with pain and anguish.
Not the love I wished would fall there.

But how far do you want me to come?
How many doors I'm not ready to open must I face?
How much do I have to swallow?
How much do I have to accept?
I can't be another one when you are the one.
You can't be the one when I have to wonder.
I can't question myself everyday...
Feeling guilty for feeling.
Knowing how I want to grow, knowing who I want to be.
Open to everything and everyone.
When I find myself there I want to be surrounded with love and safety.
But does it ever end up that way?
Pushing, expecting.
This is my heart, this is my all.
The root of my whole, where all I am begins from what I feel.
This is not.
Not the space, not the time.
Not like this, not with so much pain.
So much suppressed, so many lies.
Sometimes not lies but words unsaid, things not known.
A soul with mine fluid and together, clear, connected.
The light inside shines and shows all corners of each others deep corners and shadows.
Being fully exposed before gods eyes, the eyes that peer into me and all my shadows.
Seeking.
Liberation.
When all my secrets are told maybe I can let go of the past and live with you right now, in every second.
You my love, you myself.
When I traveled I looked at the time, a time for a wish and this was mine.
In this life or another... together, found.

Over and Over

In over our heads.

I've been in over my head.
Every bite I take it too much than I can handle.
I'm not very good at chewing, my teeth arn't straight but I can bite.
When I wanted to love I promised you something beyond myself.
I promised you my goals
I promised you would never receive me as I am.
Because I am not perfect.
You get the best of me, better known as the me I don't have.
A life together, once maybe twice.
I believed in my promise.
No matter how tight the noose pulled.
I said I wouldn't give in.
I never did, I laid on the ground with the weight of the world on my chest and waited till I could move with my new burden.
No matter the time inbetween.
A promise is a promise.
Love and loyalty, something to prove.
Always something to prove.
Right before I could, the burden was taken away.
You think of weightlessness and freedom.
No, emptiness.
Incredible void.
From the dark void one day shines light that cannot be seen.
That which holds me upright
That which fills my heart and sharpens my spear
That which moves my hands and moves my feet.
I find myself at the mountains top.
With no way down, the void returns.
A mystery what drove me here.
I cannot understand, the presence and absence of spirit.

Mine.

You wont break me, this wont be the last time you try.
Ill never give in, this heart wont stop.
The day will never come.
If the fire dies I will rise from the ashes.
Darkness may fill the sky but like the sun Ill be coming around.
I remember everything, even moment, every kiss.
Every day another reason, a way I wont ever forget.
This is my calling, my hope and my dreams.
The scars may come.
Pain.
The thing I am never ready for, my ground, floating.
My place place-less.
Strap me down so I can endure the pain, each time better than the time before.
So i can endure on my own two feet.
Forever, building my strength.
The day is dark, and so is the heart.
I feel the ashes fall around me.
I feel the once green leafs crumble in my hands.
Sprinkle the shattered life into the ground.
The place where ashes will become flames.
Where death will become life.
In this all, I have seen life.
The green light, the jade symbol.
I have never held a shape, a feeling in my heart and mind that I felt so real.
My will is questioned
My motives attacked
My feelings without validation.
I am the only one who believes and in this I find my pride.
My small self standing against the tides so high.
But this small man stands because he has a plan.
The chances are real, He knows that he may fail.
He knows it may all be for nothing.
But he knows what he wants, he is willing to endure the pain to find out.
If a dream that was never chased never comes true it is his own fault.
That fault will not be mine, my heart will not be the one who falters.

Haze

Tired beyond reason the mind of the beholder finds himself.

Dance, in the wind.

Sing the song of the wind.

 Ask when does this light end.

Looking from the roots to the leafs

The sun so high, shines down on I

From the ground I reach into heaven.

I touch the face of eternity.

Aries

The name is one that the energy stems from, the image or word that can be used to describe where it starts or the glimpse of the pattern. The pattern being the location of the stars, the various forces that fly about the cosmos. The light that signs on the body at birth. Does it have any effect on the body? Does it have any effect on the soul? No. The have watched and we have named the child for what he shows. The correlation is correct but the reasoning for its connection is not so correct. What we are looking for is the image and personality that comes with it. A tendency for certain flairs and dramas. My lights shines on acquisition of the highest star, so that I may use its light to open the path and show me the next highest from that. As I have done all my life, from whatever first form I had. From being totally solid and dead, the feeling. Somewhere some place, in or around me I felt sensation that gave me place. I do not know where, I did not know how. I was in place and I could not move. From here, for such a long time i felt motion and learned how to make it myself. Through my desire, through my infinite need for that unreachable goal. As it takes me uncountable years, I am very slow but I have gained so much. My ability to grasp what is beyond has grown now that I have so much to compare to.
I screamed to the heavens as I was lost, scared and confused that I would not consume my own tail and that I was not a game with no beginning or end in sight besides a copy of a copy. I demanded to see progression. A greater and higher place that I would never return to once long passed. But I see a world like mine split many times, smaller after the last until they are bits, shuffled and press into a mirror of my own. It was humiliating to look at this exact copy of myself made from dirt that I would one day become again. When would the hand come to take away what I know, who I am and what I remember. When does the day come I have to forget and move on to be given a new name and a new place. Why insult me by giving me a job to do then taking it away, all the progress, all the work simply lost. At least to me.
The effort I placed into life and the development I have made will be left behind for ours. I cannot think of what weight or value for them it will hold but I do believe leaving behind our minds and their desires, complexities, and theories. That we can raise the level of life for those behind us. Because they are us.
My mind has passed my bodies ability to reach for the highest star. I've been placed in a problem because my soul is reaching for things yet again that are out of my reach. I do not remember what exact thing I did and had to learn each and every time obtained that star. I have obtained very many, and yet so far I still see farther yet to obtain. They will seem impossible, and now that we have come so far to feel and explain how we feel we will doubt our reason, doubt our existence, doubt what we are. We have always done this. We have always obtained the star we set our eyes on. We do not become ourselves when we forget this. Forgetting is like death, the soul has gone out or been dimmed.

In Line

Whats happens to men when he has walked outside the path that grants him a sip from the eternal flowing water of life or path of god. Immediatly his life is deflated as if the air was sucked from his lungs and the blood drained from his muscles and organs. His heart sunken rather than lifted, his eye cast down and his drive lame. I would have you believe that there is a loose path, much like a footpath walked daily by people. Before it was non-existent, the whole thing was the same. A flat grassy plane that has become something else because what it has given way to something else. A strong flow of energy, of life has broke way through this willing and accepting plane of grass. Because as the before mentioned eternal water of life flows against the soul the same way water moves against the land to make a river or grand canyon. So the man must shape himself to allow the water to carve him. But in our case the forces which move onto us are not seen but felt.

We, along with all other things all the way down to the molecules and lesser bits are always trying to shape into something else. Read a book, your mind shapes to the content of the book so you understand it. You work at a job your body shapes to suit your work. When your mind and heart changes so does the body, all things in life trickle down from the nexus of where we experiance life because this apature is the space where we trying and shape ourselves which is also where consciousness lies. The king makes his discreet or public choices, his motives questionable but the true indicator is the people and the land. As your body is like a complex city with many organisms and moving parts that have we have seen can be removed and the organism will survive so we have a difficult time looking at the body anatomically and selecting one thing or another as the organ of the soul. This is somewhat redundant if you realize the body is a trickle down of the before mentioned nexus.

When a man walks off his beaten path, the waters no longer move onto him as they had before and he feels it. The river is never a straight line nor the grand canyon or any footpath I have ever seen. He is to become something else as the waters have pushed him this way. There is much reason why the waters push him into a new state of being despite the negative feelings that come with it. There are many reasons in fact, first being this is simply our theme at essence. If you consider the essence of spirit at the core of all lesser and lesser bits of matter and energy the style or pattern is growth and variation, each division of the cell doing so in the sake of becoming something different. Never in nature because it chose to but because as the waters of life move onto man the way of nature moves onto matter. Every variation of the path can lead to a potential grand canyon, as the canyon itself has many paths, not just one.  So the many can become strong in many disciplines. Falling off the path is more like budding a flower with can grow large and with the proper room, sunlight and nutrients can grow as large and strong as all the flowers in the bed. So do not fear the short moment when you have found your heart does not lay in the path you walked before. If your heart has left you should follow it.