Reflection.

These things, all laid out infront of me. Money spent and time wasted. As I replace myself with outside items. These things have not made me happier. They have not made me smarter, they have not made me healtheir, they have not made me stronger. I made a painful and foolish dicision that was not based on wisdom, it was not based in my own heart. I made a choice based on someone elses heart, what their eyes saw and what they felt. Their eyes do not see my world, their mind does not know my thoughts, their heart does not feel mine. My choices were poor and without thought of result. My heart was quite, as my mind made it so. My eyes were shut as my heart made it so. My mind was quiet, as I made it so. There is a thick line that is my person, like a sphere with a broad border. My eyes are like windows into my being. As my essense was silenced and my person and my meaninging was replaced by exterior motives, objects, ect. The inner being began to shrink, to where my sphere was inhabited by more than my being, my sphere was breathing in lies of what my inner being was. A part of me made the decision to replace the inner being with a new one, one that was artifical and more effective in the place where my sphere was present. That choice was effectice for the time and the place but was a poor choice. A painful self harming choice. A choice of pain over lesser pain. A choice made in fear and uncertainty. There was no good reason, not one that with stronger willpower I could have overcome. My inner being was cast aside and abused from that very lack of willpower. There is only one place to find the strength, to find the willpower, to find my heart, to find my eyes, to find my mind. All within my inner being, deep inside my sphere. Somewhere inside me lies the strength, lies the being I want to fufill it's right to life again. I am sending out the signal to let it know that it is loved, it is wanted, and it is beautiful. My actions and choices before said the exact opposite that it was unwanted, not needed, stupid and without reason that this person, this inner being was a bother and was holding my life back... This choice was influanced untill it was believed, and it could never be more wrong. Now this sphere is more like a husk, remembering a time when it was full and natrual, full with mystery and variety. A place where I was alive and flourished. The time for that being is now, as it has always been. The time for that being was never over, it was taken away wrongfully. Like a mother calling to her child to come home, to come to saftey, to come to love. I open myself to let all the wrong bleed out, for the pain and the damedge to wash away as my true inner being fills with self importance, as it fills with self love, and fills with pride, value, volition. This is his rightful throne, he is king in this land, his rule is absolute and beautiful. In time he will retake everything that belongs to him.

Thank you.