How can one do the right thing when the right thing is death?
Loving, caring and self torture are what I have grown into. I want whats best, to guide and nurture. To be like a mother raising her child. Trying to remain transparent but just and good. Trying to forget my own position within the hurricane. The pain I feel will be nothing as long as I can see them become happy and well. But what when what they want is for you to be gone. To no longer look over them, to remove yourself from your purpose.
What do you do when the purpose leads you to the end of your purpose? You find new purpose. You forget that goal, that agenda because it was a dead end and find a new one. It doesn't matter how much that thing meant to you. You are not alive and it is not. If you want to live as a corpse, continue to believe in the dead and you will soon be one. But to live you must look up at the light and look for whats next and whats new.
Create something else out of the pieces left behind by the destruction of your former self. Melt them down and reforge them into harder steel. If it broke before it must be fixed and made better as to withstand more next time. And it may break again, and again, it may only last a day every time you reforge that steel. But at the end of every day you return home with your broken sword and reforge it. Maybe its an ax now, tomorrow a hammer. You will keep reforming it, remaking it, giving it a new name until one day it withstands no matter what they throw at you. Make your weapon your friend, your lover, your family and your god. It knows everything about you and you know everything about it. The weapon is your purpose. When your purpose it strong and true to your heart your weapon will never break.
