None

Without title is how life happened, when the camera is no longer rolling and the pen is laid down. The wind blows and the sun shines, a whole world spins out of control hurling through space at unfathomable speed, leaving a trail of dreams, life's and souls behind. Generations come and go, each standing on the death of the last growing ever closer to the sky and reaching through the clouds for some reason forgotten. We once knew why we reach for the stars, why we are here but that reason died long ago but the desire for the result persists. We strive to find where we came from and who placed us on this planet, the true source of life in the universe. Struggling to remember our own history before their brief reality we call earth. What is us is much older than this small planet, and most likely the galaxy itself.

A place for murder

I know we never felt the same
Talking about feelings can be so lame
These walls could use a brand new stain

Sweetie there's no need for tears
Let's talk about something else
How about when you said your gone
How about when I said its wrong
You just got to run away
I was left begging please god stay

You think your the one in pain
You think I'm the one to blame
Stop those tears and scream my name
I've never felt quite the same

Snow

Let's talk about winter darling, and the snow.
Let's talk about you and how you can't say no.
You don't how to please them, they couldn't know.
How you feel, your cold as snow.

Crossed by a butterfly

I'm James Goldberg, also known as Grimm in some places. I am the man crossed by a butterfly.

Many sides does my face lay upon. One of passion and love, the wish for peace and happiness. Another of interest and wisdom, the need for understanding. The side of Darkness... Where everything dark and looked down upon lies in wait. Do you wish to see me for only one side? Or to accept and join me on all levels of life. Welcome, I am the man crossed by a butterfly.

Descent

I come across many days I want to close my eyes and fall deep into my mind and heart. Somewhere I could find the knowledge and the reason to move foreword. If their are two sides to the coin, my external and internal motivation. My internal desires to be bright,  multi talented, healthy, strong, successful, enlightened and generous. My internal is motivated to seek out the things I need to absorb in order to achieve my goals. But my internal also senses the issues that are keeping me from my desires. My internal senses that I'm not retaining information I study or read. My internal is numb to the difference when I eat healthy or not so much. My internal is pained whichever direction I take so the most logical step is if in every direction is pain, to bide my time doing as little work as possible. The misaligned bones of my neck, my heart that gathers sharp pains coupled with my lungs when worked, my clicking popping hips always nagging at walking long distances, my shaping aching joints, my inability to urinate like a normal person. The feeling of being sliced open when going to the bathroom, the blood in my stool. My internal is beyond lost in what to do. I have never felt so mortal, or so useless and old.

My external sees a world filled with people doing exactly what I want. My external knows there is thousands to compete with to find my place in the achieved life I want. My external looks at the under educated, money hungry doctors and wonders if there is any help for my internal pain. My external sees the quality of the food and the black curtain between me and the place it comes from, the people who lie to make money while destroying peoples health.

Beauty

The beautiful light hidden behind the stone tower. Deep in the sky lies the brightest star the universe has to offer. Deep inside my soul a bridge is being built to the ever expanding entity that collectively is us all. A bridge into a higher state of being, into beauty untold, into light unseen. A connection always present but never realized but in the most distant experiences far outside of reality. A place our souls go to high above ourselves but never leaving the location of our death. I will meet you there, in the silence behind the light where I will hear your every word because every word you can speak has already been spoken and I have understood all which you mean to say. You will see me and will understand that we are one in the same despite our duality that makes us more than one. Behind, deeper, searching for the line that finally breaks between logic and reality in this place between words and the essence of what is and will always be. Understanding there is nothing to understand, we are which we are. I look directly into countless eyes as they stare back into mine. They are the knowledge of countless lives, the tiny remnants of lives past. Combined they are the experience which is all of life. There isn't an emotion that hasn't been felt, or a situation that hasn't been seen by these eyes. These are the eyes of life. When I was born I was handed a pair from the great community of eyes, when I die I will give them back but they were never actually away from their home. All our eyes are part of a greater pool of collective intelligence. We will return to the higher state and come back to here time and time again, growing. Somewhere in time the universe wanted to experience, wanted to feel and live inside itself, discover itself as we all wish to do. This is life. We are all trying to understand what we are. From the largest parts of reality to the smallest we all have the same agenda. We all seek to understand, we all seek knowledge. The question is why is there no answer, when did the answer become lost and cause a downward spiral that lead to the desire for experience. Where the natural born knowledge go? What caused the age of ignorance that is older than our own solar system, older than our galaxy. It is the separation of our universe, we are all drifting slowly apart. This is our duality, as before we were all part of one, we were all in one place, and one time. Countless parts of a greater whole held tightly together by forces we don't understand. The same forces that now are trying to piece us back together, forces that bring us to seek knowledge and become part of a greater whole long after its separation. Our galaxies, planets, land masses, civilizations, minds and hearts are all slowly drifting apart till this very moment since the great divide. Was this will? Did the universe have the will to forgo infinite internal knowledge of all to in exchange grow, reach and experience greater farther things from the singular point of existence? So when was the age of ignorance truly? When the mind which is everything was closed into a tight space, being that space only existed inside this space and all else was nothing. In this space everything that was, was here. There was only this to know and nothing else was to be known for it did not exist. But is this true? When all that is in this universe was one was there really nothing outside its limits? What is outside the limits of our universe as it stands. Surely it encompass a greater distance now that it did before, being far less dense and spread in all directions in un-measurable distance. But what is outside that? There must be more than just nothing. Maybe as one we realized there was more than what was our own existence and sought to learn of it, become part of it. To become part of an even greater whole than what was our own ball of existence that we believed nothing outside to exist, for inside these walls of our reality was all there was to know.

Is the universe, or for short, one or all much like man? As we sit on our little planet in a state of ignorance we slowly grow and reach farther adn farther out, learning more and more. But what drives us to this? At the time this all was one, as it still is but when it was locked inside a very definite space was much like man before man descovered the rest of the cosmos? We once thought all there was to know what the earth the sun and the stars but year after year we understand more and more, see more and more, understand more and more. We have the desire and will to understand we are part of a greater all, or oneness. Did the universe feel this very same desire, to expand and become part of the greater oneness when it realized there was more to know and understand than what was within itself?

Reflection.

These things, all laid out infront of me. Money spent and time wasted. As I replace myself with outside items. These things have not made me happier. They have not made me smarter, they have not made me healtheir, they have not made me stronger. I made a painful and foolish dicision that was not based on wisdom, it was not based in my own heart. I made a choice based on someone elses heart, what their eyes saw and what they felt. Their eyes do not see my world, their mind does not know my thoughts, their heart does not feel mine. My choices were poor and without thought of result. My heart was quite, as my mind made it so. My eyes were shut as my heart made it so. My mind was quiet, as I made it so. There is a thick line that is my person, like a sphere with a broad border. My eyes are like windows into my being. As my essense was silenced and my person and my meaninging was replaced by exterior motives, objects, ect. The inner being began to shrink, to where my sphere was inhabited by more than my being, my sphere was breathing in lies of what my inner being was. A part of me made the decision to replace the inner being with a new one, one that was artifical and more effective in the place where my sphere was present. That choice was effectice for the time and the place but was a poor choice. A painful self harming choice. A choice of pain over lesser pain. A choice made in fear and uncertainty. There was no good reason, not one that with stronger willpower I could have overcome. My inner being was cast aside and abused from that very lack of willpower. There is only one place to find the strength, to find the willpower, to find my heart, to find my eyes, to find my mind. All within my inner being, deep inside my sphere. Somewhere inside me lies the strength, lies the being I want to fufill it's right to life again. I am sending out the signal to let it know that it is loved, it is wanted, and it is beautiful. My actions and choices before said the exact opposite that it was unwanted, not needed, stupid and without reason that this person, this inner being was a bother and was holding my life back... This choice was influanced untill it was believed, and it could never be more wrong. Now this sphere is more like a husk, remembering a time when it was full and natrual, full with mystery and variety. A place where I was alive and flourished. The time for that being is now, as it has always been. The time for that being was never over, it was taken away wrongfully. Like a mother calling to her child to come home, to come to saftey, to come to love. I open myself to let all the wrong bleed out, for the pain and the damedge to wash away as my true inner being fills with self importance, as it fills with self love, and fills with pride, value, volition. This is his rightful throne, he is king in this land, his rule is absolute and beautiful. In time he will retake everything that belongs to him.

Thank you.

Speak with self

When speaking to yourself, who are you speaking to? Where do the words come from?
If the words come from the mind, and are infulanced by the heart, but also by sinsations from the gut.
The words are means of communication, but who are you communicating with?
The words ring out and are listened to.
The self is speaking to itself, asking itself questions and feeling for the answeres rather than replying with more words.
Why.
The self learnes itself by speaking to itself. Like looking in a mirror to better understand itself.
The self becomes two for a time or maybe longer, so that words can find place. When divided into two parts that are still one whole the self has become more than it was before. The self had grown much likes cells dividing and growing as a baby grows.
The self discoveres itself and learns itself, the self grows itself by learning itself by speaking with its self.

Take time to silence, and speak with the self. It will cause you to grow from the inside and fill your body with your soul. As the soul fills the body it will grow beyond those limits, and as the soul becomes larger and srtonger the willpower found from within will also grow. The soul gains strength much like the muscles beneath the skin.

Motion

I rest in pleasurable state, very so tiny the sensation as it moves to consume my whole being. The very faint vibration deep inside my soul, physical yet touching into something both higher and lower than where I am. My cells, my molecular structure, the very atoms made of light, made of energy collaborated from the remnants of long dead stars but yet very much alive inside of me. The world around me, the social aspect of life seems unimaginably small in comparison to the raw materials my body, after trillions of micro transitions from one state to another falls into place and I get to experiance life as just another transition of the trillions of bits of matter I am. Deep inside me I feel it swirl like the center of our galaxy with energy and materials all following behind in long trails trying to keep up with the rate of my sensation. In this feeling there is a motion, behind my thoughts there is a motion. For the moment to happen and for me to express the sensations inside my body there must be motion, a cause and effect that set me in this temporary existence. I as I am a collection of things, brought together for only a short time was the effect of a cause. Our entire race and every living thing before it is an effect of a cause, no matter how natural or artificial their conception. There is a reason living things exist in a reality where the vast majority of what does exist is lifeless. Lifeless in the sense of organic organisms with language and sensory nervous systems. But what if there are much lower standards to define life. What if things we thought to be still and lifeless before could be looked at as very much alive when perceived differently.

Shake

I'm just holding on, everything before my eyes shakes like I'm slipping away and its all so hard to see. I can fall no further though. This is as far as my arms will let me slide, this is the least of my strength. The least of my ability. This is my rock bottom, in this place I am only just above being asleep. I can look all around and see the world and my life and all the possibility if I were not where I am. But I am here, but that idea will soon be gone because just as this place is in my mind so are other places I will reach to. But I will not reach to them, I will simply become them slowly. I will change my mind, I will do different, what exactly I can't say. I don't know the path, or how to find the path but I know how to imagine and I hope, pray. That my reality will follow the one I set before myself in my mind. As I think different I will become different and move through infinite places, much farther than I could have for seen. Things will get better, I promise you. Just have hope and always love, and move forward. You control everything, you place the pieces and move the mountains.

Fly with me

There he was, just in the other side of a wall of glass in a world that mirrored my own. Our hands touched each other's only seperayed by the glass that divided our worlds. I had waited so long just to see him again, the thing I once was. Everything I wished I was again. A man truley full of worth and knowledge. He and I were once one but something happened and I fell so far but the time had come that he would show himself to me once again, standing right before me. He spoke no words only smiled a beautiful hope filled smile full of content and joy, and wisedom. Like he seen my whole life from beginning to end and was looking down at me like a child fretting over the trivial when there was so many wonderful and great things ahead I had no idea of. He looked straight through my soul. He knew me, every part of me and understood it all. Without words he called out to the deepest part of myself, something I pushed deep down and into the dark. He shined a light on that dark place with invitation to face the world outside with vivid brilliance. He gave me this feeling he would show my heart the way. Just as I felt this he slowly left the ground, out hands slowly parted and he raised to the sky. My heart sunk, I was slow close and I heard his voice, my own voice telling me what I already knew. Follow me, its easy. You may feel at first like there is an entire world tied around your legs binding you to the ground, but all you have to do is let go and as you let go you will get just a little higher and ever higher you will go as you simply let go of what binds you. Then I will meet you there high in the stars, there I will be waiting for you to join me because this is where I wait for you and I know we will be together again because you are I and I am you. I know how this ends, but this is far from the end, just another step you must take in your story. I'll be waiting. And with those words my feet slightly parted with the earth. Just about an inch. Only enough to feel a slight sensation of weightlessness before quickly rising from my bed waking up to see the orange sky outside my window. My dream filled me with hope and vigor.

I try.

There is never a day that you are better than me. Day in and day out I make a decision, a choice to be "nice" but in no way by nature am I kind to you under my surface, I am kind to very few and after years of kindness you will always recivce bitterness from me. No matter who you are, or what you are to me you will never be what I expect you to be to me. I am flawed, I am dense and block out certain points. I am a being of many layers, deep inside to the surface are different people all together. Some strive to become more enlightned, to let go of everything and feel love, be kind to all despite all flaws, some parts are entangled with the heart and thrive on emotions. Emotions like hate, love, sex, happiness, depression. These things drive my semi-inner layers. These things block and cloud the person I wish to forge myself into. Time after time, I select knew people to be before the last one can be finished, a pile of half completed versions of the self lying neatly one ontop of the next. The identity becomes nothing more that a blurry image that is ever changing.

I try, these one version does try. I strive and ache for a better being. a beind that is held back but these broken selves. They call me slow, stupid, without drive, purpose or direction. Some of these things I call myself, some of these things I know. I am not what anyone thinks of me.

I am behind, years behind even. Racing against time to catch up with my self who is enjoying a life I don't yet have. A man years ago that I once was had everything figured out, knew exactly how to obtain a life he knew he wanted. I fell behind, I seen the path and choose to turn away and take another path. The path had a dead end, and I seen no right way but the one I abandoned. So I chase after that light, the light that grows ever dim. I know this light will extinguish before I reach it. I know I must find new light, I must strive to create a life I never knew of, One I could have never imagined. No perfect world is the one first imagined, the first attempt is always without refinement. I have matured, I understand more and while I lack the simplicity of innocence and ignorance that would give me the simple noble answers I have the ability now to make a world that is more diverse to my needs.

Ghost

Each and everyday I record myself, a artificial memory of my person. Inside my phone, in my computer, in everything I write say or do. Every task I need a reminder for, every thought I jot down, every shopping list I write. These things will never go away and they will be there long after I am gone. These things exist in a state where they can be deleted and whipped away at a single will but no one person will search out every trace me once I'm gone. Just like family and friends who have passed away. Their faces are just a few words and a key press away, their words loop indefinitely in recordings left in mundane simplicity. 

You are my ghost, as I will be.