I want to play the role of the man who works diligently on his task and never gives up. The fire of his actions burn away the ugliness of his being until his is a well tempered beautiful work of art and perseverance. But this is a role I wish to play, this is a role that I know how it works so I choose it as my best option. There is a distance between me and the role I wish to play. Long as it is a role I am not it. It is not me. I am something before I was the role. How many roles have I taken before, how many of my self was I before the role I had taken. I cannot remember these. None come to mind. I know I am different than I was before. But it feels like it is a part of me. A part of who I always was. So is the role good or bad? Is the role a fake facade to assist me in life because my true self isn't good enough for the task or situation at hand? Or is the role a part of development in life. Are these roles I choose to step into just that? Steps in a long staircase. Each one a change I need. Maybe my picking of that role is my own instincts or nature leaning in favor of what is right. So why have I not yet reached my role? Day to day I play it but at some time the mask always comes off and this scared soft creature is pulled out of its shell. This is humiliating. But this humiliation, is it part of growth aswel? Is this the correct course of life? That we continue to strive for new roles, new ideas of ourselves or people we want to become and along this road from time to time the illusion of our roles becomes shattered so the small true creature inside can be humiliated and humbled. What's the purpose of this humiliation? Why is it a pattern or variable in the program or machine of life? Does humiliation in some way strengthen the soft being within? As the roles strengthen the outer being? The roles we choose do in some way strengthen our outer being, the only reason we seek roles to play it to better press ourselves onto the outer worlds. It is when the outside world presses onto our inner selves that we are humiliated and reminded that we need stronger roles, stronger shells. For the humiliation reminds us that we can always be thwarted.
In youth all humiliations reach the soft inner being because there is no separation between the inner and outer beings. The inner being is the outer being. The being is truly whole. But without its protecting of roles and outer being humiliation reaches its target on the surface with little effort. But humiliation in itself is not sentient and has no intention. The universe provides these humiliations countless time in various forms. Some forms are small and weak humiliations like the insults we endured as children that we look back on and think are silly from our perspective of hardened inner beings with structurally sound outer beings. With each humiliation we endure we immediately each a more effective outer being to replace the old one that let the humiliation through that caused pain to the inner being. Being wounded brings up new questions. How can the inner being become genuinely stronger if it's immediate defense to trauma is to like a coward seek a new lie about itself to convince others that it can not be touched by this humiliation? That depends on how much of a lie the newly chosen role is. Is there a point where the outer chose role actually because the role of the inner self and the inner self grows just behind the outer self. So when you compare a child and we'll developed adult the inner selves would be badly different and in the developed man the inner self was formed from multiple over riding layers of outside roles that had been chosen, moved into then bypassed by humiliation. And instead of casting away the past role, it moved inward. So with each successive role that is externally chosen, the inner self successfully makes it a part of itself.because from the beginning the inner self wishes to become the role it selects.
Another piece of the puzzle is when looking back on past humiliations, without knowing you are thinking of humiliations you may see them as times you were hurt or exposed. You are pulling up memories of times where your inner self was exposed or threatened. This can make you feel scared of being exposed despite your new found roles that you have integrated into yourself. You are a stronger more resilient inner being because of these humiliations or injuries of the ego. Knowing this you should be able to peer into the past when these things happen and not become injured again by them. If you do than you have not chosen roles for yourself that proper healed you and defended you from that humiliation or injury to the ego. Therefor you have not adapted to the specific stresses placed upon you for your own development. If you respond to humiliation or injury to the ego by selecting roles that build defenses against not what actually caused the humiliation or injury to the ego then something has gone wrong. The inner self has to reach a place of understanding where the humiliation came from and what it actually was.
A soldier in war cannot think to wear chain mail armor to defend against blade strikes if the last time he was attacked, he did not recognize that he was attacked with a blade. This could be because he simply did not see it. If this is the case he needs to ask his trusted circle, provide what he knows and see what answer then can give him. He tells them he was struck and cut but did not bruise. His friends and family tell him it must be a blade. So this young soldier equips his chain mail armor and marches off to fight his foe again and just so happens his foe was wielding a sword. The other may be that the soldier was young but very proud of his ability with a sword and to always evade attacks and could never be hit by a blade and the one day he is struck by a blade he is too ashamed to admit what injured him. If he survives and continues to deny what hurt him, he may build defenses for himself that would not defend against a similar attack. Surround yourself with other people to encourage you and your activities and your growth because they will have defenses or outer self constructs that could protect you later in life that you don't know that you need right now. Rather than wait for the time that humiliation comes for you and exposes you to your inner self weaknesses you will respond to those typically very well and you buildup and choose the outer roles required to defend yourself in the future from that humiliation but as I spoke of before sometimes people do not understand or see what they were humiliated by or what harm to them or what injured there have now or they will not see or accept what harms them because they are too ashamed to come to grips with what actually hurt them. When you surround yourself with other people that are intelligent strong willed and everything that you think you should be you will pick up their traits and you will begin to copy their outer egos this is beneficial for the man or woman to become a fully fledged adult because by adopting these ego traits you're becoming stronger before you were ever attacked you are building the fence is specifically suited for humiliations and injurious to your outter ego before they even occur by doing this you are setting yourself up to never be humiliated but this will not happen the person will always become humiliated now the danger about modern day society is there is no initiation stages there are no guarantees that you will become humiliated as you should become humiliated to stimulate your growth because if you become protected and defend on all sides and build your outer ego you go to such an extent that you make it through many and many years of life past adolescents and dawning into being an adult and maybe even into the mid life or late life without your humiliation ever reaching deep into your inner being and exposing it this could leave you open for horrible catastrophe horrible breaking down of the outer self while the intercept grieves this is what are you seeing your typical midlife crisis how do you overcome the mid life crisis how do you overcome him and humiliation that reaches this deeply into your inner self.
