Stop Asking

Why am I dying when my heart still beats
Where am I going if my life doesnt stop
The plant doesnt cry when its torn to pieces
Our ego does cry when its tome to die
I feel the pain, I feel the fear
To be pulled apart
Why do I feel this now, it wasnt this I's time to die.
We had the whole world plotted out from this mans name.
But is it time to say goodbye?
And how many years before we awake again to find another reason?
Would I really die before I find it again,
Could I find so many small answers I die without ever making something..

Lost colors

How deep are you willing to reach?

What if every point of power, every memory could be used till it was empty?

And at the end of all your hardest trials, and after all the times you reached, your retrospection and history was all but burned and ash. Scorched by your own fire.

Who do you love?

Why can't you look into their faces?

Why do you want to run away from what makes you feel tied to this world?

You have seen and felt what it is to be alone, cut off and left to dry out.
Left to die.

My mother..
My father..

The grandparents..

The partial love I hold for strangers

The colorless love of family

These words don't matter like they used to. When you say the same thing for a decade the words tend to loose their meaning.

Oh how I can say and declare you and I but I'll never find my way any closer to the answer I look for.

Is it peace? My own personal peace?

Or is it the peace of others along with myself?

My heart tells me neither. All answers are wrong and so is thinking about them. But the silence doesn't satisfy me. Nor does the answer that I am not mean't to be satisfied because life is harsh in it's reality. An answer is a solution. But the equation is not always a problem. Therefor needing no solution.

Does my pain and my joy answer to an equation? Is it all just the same, no matter the imbalance in experiencing the two. It is the matter, the way of things.

Life

I hate how my mind wants to scream
How pointless this must seem
The way I try to push down anger
Always comes back around later
I wanna know I want an answer
I already know its disaster.
So when I hear it I shut it out
Theres no way Id ever let it out
Some days im starting to forget
And I start to wonder is this is it
Whats the probability youll find yourself alone
So far away and no place to call home
Forever these plains Ill roam
The ache inside
I swore I died
Or maybe I lied
Consciousness on the side
Asleep as I ride
Eye closed as I bring the tide
I wanna hide, but Im already hidden
What else could you want, Im back at the beginnin
You dont hear what Im feelin
Maybe some day I can write a song about how high Im livin.
Till then Im on the ground
On ones around
Peace will be found

Unnatrual

Silence.
It's basically murder
Silence in the dark
It revolves around, outside
Silent he is to
What is
Happening here
He doesn't dare to
Question
Or realize it's unnatural
To be so natural
With fucking that girl
I didn't mean to hide it, but I wasn't even excited. Just another day for me how do I confide it. I couldnt in anyone but still this song gets sung.
How are you so understanding?
How does it break my heart?
How do you keep putting trust in me when you shouldnt have from the start?
I used to think I was someone else.
I live by the second hand, wishing i could take a stand, but trapped in a moment I am, wishing you can understand, this irritating master plan, for a second I think that you can. But do you see what I am? Do I see what you are? I couldnt, I held so far. Your blessing, all the while I was messing. I denied and tried but found I lied. Myself, how could I lie to me. How do you define honesty?

I love you.
Im certainly sorry
The past is surely missed
Dont let the present pass you.
The future is always ours.

My name is Life

You have to allow yourself to change, James.

I care about you more than you know.
I'm sure these days you arn't sure who you are anymore, you have so many sides and sometimes it's hard to see who's turning the wheel.

The pain you feel makes you feel weak.

You've been putting away your feelings with junk food. You are starting to feel sick all over.

You have not fallen James, you just need to be here right now.

You have been waking up little by little.

The fact you seen all those sides of yourself, it means you can see what should be part of you and what shouldn't.

Don't be afraid to let some things go, they may come back if there was something good in them.

I know it's hard, you feel so heavy and you hurt. But time keeps running out, opportunity runs thin. You won't have chances forever.

I don't know how to make everything work for you, align it all so happiness carries you through the work effortlessly.

It's not a blame, it's life. You choose to care, you chose to fall inlove with people. You want things for them, you want to be something for them. But you don't trust them. What you feel is real, that is part of you. Loving people is something that drives you, I won't ever take that away from you. But I may take away the people you are loving if they are not loving you.

You could never do it alone. So I have done this for you. It will not be easy to see and it may happen tomorrow or years in the past. But they are gone from your grasp.

Love people James, it's who you are.

Why are you so afraid to love?