I can't cope

I lock this all away because you cant heal me
I hide away things I wish I could say
I can only heal myself
But you gave me the reason to
I never had a reason to be strong
I never had a reason to hold myself upright
I was a child
I am a child
I don't feel like a man
When I cant concoct the plan
On how it all gets better from here
Who are you and what is this
Why do you say things that scare me away
Why do you have to be so much like me
You are weak how I am weak
Thats why for you I have to be strong.
You ask me again
Ill tell you Im okay
Ill always tell you Im okay.

Years

Know me baby for a million years
Hear me now before I leave you in tears
There' always gonna be a me you haven't seen
Because where my soul lies is inbetween

The moments when you touched my skin
The times you seen me soaked in sin
The words I sing, the words I right
Those are the day but I am the night

Oh I am the darkness I am the light
You see my face but it's never right
Deep inside I struggle and fight
What you don't see I locked up tight

I'll give you everything that I know
My mind, my heart, my soul.
Know me baby for a million years
Hear me know before I leave you in tears
There's a part of me you'll never know

Dreams

Boy you don't know how lost I am
In my own day dream
That lemon colored glass
Your work makes it gleam

When you find the reason why
Ill be right nearby
You dont have to waste your time
I know I can make you mine

This isnt my first rodeo
I see when you put on a show
Calm it down, wrap around
Lay your head Ill bring you in

When you find the reason why
Ill be right nearby
You dont have to waste your time
I know I can make you mine

Dreams
I know you can dream
Do you see me there
Dancing wind in your hair

Now you found the reason why
You came an got me high
You didnt waste no time
Now you can say I got mine.

Daffodil

On a bad day I should lock myself away
I'm so fucking scared of what I might say
The people who go always out number the people who stay
I wish I could find another way but I'm not one to prey
It wasn't always like this
There was somewhere to go, someone to be.
I never thought it would be me.
The man in the mirror
How did I end up right here.
Is this my skin?
My hair?
Who even is this man standing there?
How dare he do all this and says he cares
There was never any reason but to feel something
Because he knows he's not human.
This disconnect I can hardly recollect
Through how I lost myself when I tried to vent
These vicious tales you sent me
I tried to be
Has to be
Was me
Find me
You know me
Stop trying to hide me
What is this
Catastrophe seventy three?

There's never been a day I could remember where you called my name and I didn't feel some sense of shame about the acrobatics we played with boundries. Rules and concepts lost in prospects in shit we never had business doing. But you pushed on and I lead on. Till the day when you jumped on.

Right then and there I knew
Who you are
What you do
And I'm just like you
No moral
No self control

No fuck it, its gone
My little golden ball
Rolled right off the lawn.

Window

Im so terrified of the silence.
The anxiety of standing till.
Will she be there to catch my falling heart?
Where am I heading?
This road ends.
Where is she going?
I'm not that way.
What if when it's all over I find myself standing still?
Looking out the window all over again.
Wondering how I get closer.
How I get closer to life.
Your love is violence.
Come to close and its all down hill from there.
While a smile and a tear you learn how storms live.
Was he missing his mother, did he ever learn how to do it right?
Oh god hes so scared when you talk about that.
Oh how is strikes him to the core.
Where will I be?
Where will this go?
Who will be there or was it all a show?
He doesn't feel safe letting it all go.
Hes afraid his heart and soul may leave him.
How many lives must I be handed?
How many different faces before I live one?
Take now.
All paths start here.

Here

Sometimes I can't spin it artistically
Sometimes there is no other remedy
But to lay it out straight
What way I wont hesitate
About the way I feel inside
How I swore to you I wont die
No matter how many times I cried
Its over now 

But I promised I wouldn't shout it loud
But god I missed how you'd be proud
The way you smiled at me
Said you couldn't believe the drive in me
It brought me to my knees and buried me deep
How the hell would this be something I keep
No one answer
Not one, this must be done
For some reason or another I cant stand to see you with another but on the same side I knew I couldn't provide and I refuse to compromise in those child's eyes where the last of my soul lye's.

But I'm so afraid that in silence we die.

I wanted this to be a story where we both survived.

Lived out the rest of our lives

But what side are we living in?

I want to believe this is the right thing to do.

I'm pretty sure you remember it's all for you.

And those little angels, you can tell them that's why I'm doing this too.

You messed up when your daughter called me daddy

I knew from then I wouldn't be happy

But this time in between is something I had seen

Self preservation, my hesitation

With much contemplation I was the correlation

Look Around

Look around and you find me
With a book in hand for the world to see
Behind the tree with you right beside me
I know this aint right but I cant find the might to see that light
Wrapped up like this again
Dont know if I can keep a friend
I know this isnt the time for you and me
But you have to see
Has to be
Another catastrophe
Runnin at me
Thousand miles an hour straight at me
My minds gone apathy
Whats this supposed to be
Joyus, happy, merry? Shit..
I dont know if I can find whats mine in this brief time youve handed me
Crunch time
When you close mine
Take it away
What am i supposed to say
Another reject or retard
You say run but how far
I cant take this another day
There just has to be another way
When are you going to see
This aint a game to me
When you going to quit playing me

Flowing

The wisedom you were given was the wisdom of all. Nothing has been wrong, all you have thought has had some right in it. Everything that comes will also go. You breath in and you must breath out. It all finds a way back, all in one space all at once. Before it expands and speads infiniate. You will loose it all, your breath, your youth. Everything you feel and everything you have will go away. You will loose life. Everything you take you will one day loose. But everything lost, you will find again. You will loose your heart, you will loose your mind, your skin and your bones. You will not see, you will not hear. But everything lost you will find again. But you cannot breath in what you already hold, so dont be afraid to let go. It will find its way back to you in time.

Teach my children about the universe, teach them about death. Teach them to never be afraid because what is lost will always be found, and what is taken will always be lost. Allow our spirits to float on these waters. This current.

1-2

I felt the knife plunge into my then excited but now dull heart. 

A sense of reason for things I had no reason for.

Other than claims I made, reasons I gave.

Not things I was handed but things I asked for.

Why was I here, why did I take this on?

My heart rose with reason and purpose then quickly fell again.

This world, this story was failing me.

I was no higher, I was no holier. 

I felt no clouds beneath my feet.

Only ground rough on the sole.

My excitement for challenge wanes when it's achievement leaves me with further work to do.

Still I held tightly, till i could not.

So I held loosely, till I could not.

Now I only watch from afar, around corners and through grape vines.

Seeing and feeling destruction in a garden of hope.

Through bright brilliant eyes, the sun shining behind her face.

The world waited with open arms,

Just waiting to pull her in.

All she had to do was see herself, love herself. 

You could be the sun again, the planets still revolve around you.

Breaking

Please don't break my heart
Please don't break my heart
Please don't break my heart
When you talk about family
When we talk about you and me
Talk about loving me
I hope you'll understand
Don't ever break my heart
Don't ever break my heart
Don't ever break my heart
It'll never be the same
Please don't break my heart
You could tear us apart
But you'll always be a part of me
I won't break your heart
I won't break your heart
I won't break your heart
I don't know if I could stand
Without you by my side
You tell me it's alright
I'll never have to be afraid
Your always in my heart
Your always in my heart
So long as we never stay apart.