Fire, Fenrir and God

Its like being on the edge of a dream, knowing the dream is a dream and that you are asleep. The simple act of waking up seems easy, just needs to be willed. I see him and recognize him. I give him a face and a name. My volition and desire for life. The ever hungry beast that cannot be tamed. What a horrible life when that wolf goes hungry and sick. Like a dog left dying in the streets. But even skinny, sick and weak dogs gather in packs. They find the food they need and will eat anything to survive. But this beast goes much further when fed and strong. He is like fire. Fire will burn eternal with enough fuel. From a simple match to the stars in the sky. Fire was started and as life willed it, the fire became light that stretches the universe.

Do not let yourself become closed to the will of the beast. This beasts name is much greater than you think. Its energy is everywhere and could be taken as divine will. Or the will of god. God's will is your will, not the place which you open yourself for the puppeteers hand. You are a conduit for gods will but not a puppet of it. This is an active existence that is created in front of you not within or behind you. Do not internalize and hope that divine will once you have burn away and deleted so much of yourself that you are a empty husk, a willing vessel. You are making yourself open for other beings and influences not God's will.

This universal energy needs to be forgotten about to be obtained. Do not align your life so that you are the perfect place for it to be. You are a child of the universe not it's mother. You will not draw the universe into you by talking sweetly with it and giving it hugs and kisses. You can do that to make yourself feel good but the universe will not flow into you just because you hug trees. The universe loves all its children but flows through the children that do something and follow their own unique expression of volition and desire of life. Living these to their fullest is the true nature of the universe. Now forget that the universe is your mother and that you are the universe. You are direct extensions of it. Now when you boggle yourself down and forget your fire and spirit you start to die. Like cells in the body you will take your way and the living cells will move you out of the way so you can be replaced and disposed of in due time. Or maybe you will be ripped apart and used for the living cells needs. Either way your existence is no longest needed or others will use you to ensure their existence. When the cell is dead its dead. That one little blip in time cannot be recreated consciously. Luckily you are different and live much longer than the cell. When you forget your fire and die inside you can be reborn by allowing what died to be taken out like trash or be scrapped and reused in part with new living things. Whatever the process may be the old you will die and a new you will be born. Whats so amazing and beautiful is that you will remember all of it and gain great insight and awareness of life around you. Like someone finally showed you how the pattern goes. For years you looked at it and couldn't make sense of this series of events and there timing. It seemed like a chaotic mess but now you see a grand and very precise pattern. One so large its hard to fully grasp and may even enlighten you that this pattern when looked at may end suddenly before completion. This is because you are about to see this pattern extends your experience beyond physical life.

Lunar Goddess

Find me above the waves that you have always know.
Within the sky that is made of lights you have never seen.
Find me in a part between here and then.
Between the sheets and across the planes.
Do not open you're eyes or else you will miss me.
See when you feel and feel what you see.
Taste and smell the moment.
Feel the shape.
If you want to dance you can fly.
And if you want to fly you will soar.
If you want to swim you will run.
And if you want to climb you will jump.
Feel the heart that beats inside beat where you are and where you want to be.
All the dots connect and suddenly you are there.
And suddenly you are here with me.
You don't see my smile but you know I'm happy to see you.
I've waited, and I've watched.
Loving you, every step of the way.

Coins

He was a small old thing who walked night and day. Never was there a day he was caught resting but also never was a day he was seen without walking. Always going from one place to another with no real sign of reason or purpose. Just filling time with travel, like hw was waiting for something. But y the years shown on his skin and how low his eyes hung it was clear he has been waiting a very long time. His shoes so worn he was barefoot with hold worn toes and heels. Dirty hair and raggedy cloths that looked as though they were once a nice outfit. 

I once stopped the man and asked who he was. I had seen him for years, heading from one place to another. His hair always grew a little longer but he never seemed to change and I felt like I knew the man but never spoke to him. He gave me no name, just told me he was busy and had to go. He went about his way. A few days later I seen him again as I was getting the mail. It was early and the sun was just coming up. I'm one of the few people up early enough to catch sight of him when he is looking for food. In and out of pales like a racoon. I went inside and fetched a few pieces of fruit and some bread. By the time I came outside he was already around the block. I approached him and offered the food. He almosy considered but turned away from my offer and left. 

I didn't see him in my neighbourh hood anymore after that. He seemed to move closer to the inner city. I couldn't imagin that is was nicer during the nights down there. I worked in the city so sometimes on my drive in I would see him just walking. I made a habit of leaving early for work so I could sit in a park near my office building for an hour and maybe catch sight of him and appologise so he would feel he didn't need to come down this far. I had also kept a change of cloths in my car I was going to offer him.

Finally one afternoon after I was off I decided to go to the park and relax and see if he would make an apperance, I brought the cloths with me just incase. Sure enough he showed up, just walking. He walked right by me and I stood up and called to him. he regognized me and with a friendly wave and smile he said hello. 

I was happy he asckowledged me. I invited him closer and I  began to explain that I was sorry for making such an offer and I didn't mean to insult him. He hushed me quickly and said it was ok. He also declined the cloths I offered him, despite he was wearing the same outfit now I seen him in weeks ago when I offered him food. He tried to tell me that he has everything he needs. I asked what he meant from this. He pulled out this little pouch like some merchant from the middle ages would carry silver and copper coins in. It was leather with a tie at the top. He opened it and showed me this coins inside. They didn't shien or luster but I knew they were gold. 

I was a little shocked but I understood why he hadn't tried to sell them, they might have some other value to him. But I still asked why. He told me a long time ago there was a woman in his life that was everything to him. He always joked around about how you invest in people and they make you grow. He laughed and told me he used to be a accountant. I laughed aswell because I was too, standing a block away from my firm. 

I asked what about the coins? He said even though investing your time and energy into people is just a metaphore that when someone loves you they leave you with something beautiful and as long as they love you that gift shines like the morning sun. But when they leave you keep your gifts, but they no longer shine like they used to. But once in a while they tend to remember you and think about how beautiful the days were together. That memory brings light into those gifts. 

So she gave you gold coins I asked. He said that part wasn't important. As he said that the coins somehow went from being dull and tarnished to somewhat more pretty and reflective. He smiled and closed his pouch and said he needed to be going. I nodded and wished him the best of luck. He smiled and went about his way. I still wonder how those coins shinned so magically, and where he was heading off to once he seen it. 

Steel

How can one do the right thing when the right thing is death?

Loving, caring and self torture are what I have grown into. I want whats best, to guide and nurture. To be like a mother raising her child. Trying to remain transparent but just and good. Trying to forget my own position within the hurricane. The pain I feel will be nothing as long as I can see them become happy and well. But what when what they want is for you to be gone. To no longer look over them, to remove yourself from your purpose.

What do you do when the purpose leads you to the end of your purpose? You find new purpose. You forget that goal, that agenda because it was a dead end and find a new one. It doesn't matter how much that thing meant to you. You are not alive and it is not. If you want to live as a corpse, continue to believe in the dead and you will soon be one. But to live you must look up at the light and look for whats next and whats new.

Create something else out of the pieces left behind by the destruction of your former self. Melt them down and reforge them into harder steel. If it broke before it must be fixed and made better as to withstand more next time. And it may break again, and again, it may only last a day every time you reforge that steel. But at the end of every day you return home with your broken sword and reforge it. Maybe its an ax now, tomorrow a hammer. You will keep reforming it, remaking it, giving it a new name until one day it withstands no matter what they throw at you. Make your weapon your friend, your lover, your family and your god. It knows everything about you and you know everything about it. The weapon is your purpose. When your purpose it strong and true to your heart your weapon will never break.

None

Without title is how life happened, when the camera is no longer rolling and the pen is laid down. The wind blows and the sun shines, a whole world spins out of control hurling through space at unfathomable speed, leaving a trail of dreams, life's and souls behind. Generations come and go, each standing on the death of the last growing ever closer to the sky and reaching through the clouds for some reason forgotten. We once knew why we reach for the stars, why we are here but that reason died long ago but the desire for the result persists. We strive to find where we came from and who placed us on this planet, the true source of life in the universe. Struggling to remember our own history before their brief reality we call earth. What is us is much older than this small planet, and most likely the galaxy itself.

A place for murder

I know we never felt the same
Talking about feelings can be so lame
These walls could use a brand new stain

Sweetie there's no need for tears
Let's talk about something else
How about when you said your gone
How about when I said its wrong
You just got to run away
I was left begging please god stay

You think your the one in pain
You think I'm the one to blame
Stop those tears and scream my name
I've never felt quite the same

Snow

Let's talk about winter darling, and the snow.
Let's talk about you and how you can't say no.
You don't how to please them, they couldn't know.
How you feel, your cold as snow.